How do I find that balance and make my intentions clear? Serious question, what do you want? You just want to go on dates with people without any strings attached? It sounds like you want friends! I can tell you immediately that the only way to avoid having a relationship is to avoid meeting or talking to people. Any people at all. Because relationships are more than just boyfriend-girlfriend. Friendships are relationships. You need to tell your friends what happened and ameliorate in dismay at what you endured.
You need to have fun with people to get your mind off things. You need to be around positivity in order to repair your confidence and self-image. And yes, eventually, you need to date, to ensure you still feel worthy of love, to keep your power as an attractive being strong. Onto the topic of dating. Often when people say the former, they mean they want all the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment.
Because to love is to be changed and there is no connection possible without the risk of pain, disappointment, or betrayal. Trust is a choice we make every day. There is always a risk in being vulnerable. First, how do you find your balance? Sit with what you actually are looking for in dating. Do you want a talking stage or a therapist? Communicating your boundaries and expectations is paramount to any sort of romantic or physical tryst.
On to the next. Not yours. Namely: you are capable of deep, earnest, consistent, long-lasting love. You are likely still pining over this person you are no longer together with. You are probably grieving both your past and your future with this person. You are probably lonely. You probably put up with some things for longer than you should have. You are afraid. My advice: journal.
Write down what you miss about them and all the things you had planned for your future with them. Tell your therapist, or your mother, or your pillow; no one else. I am not who I was. I have loved and I have been changed. I forgive myself for what came before. I allow myself to love and be loved again. To paraphrase: what do I do with all my love and nowhere to put it? My answer, put simply: Do something with it. Stop holding onto it! Look around! Most of us are looking so desperately for love!
