Sign up. Sign in. The Kalahari Review. It could be anything, from freedom, to hope, to becoming, to wanting but not getting; despondent. I have been alone but not necessarily lonely.
I look forward to getting home from work and sleeping, without the mindless scrolling on TikTok or Instagram. Sometimes, when I have an ounce of energy left, I spend my evenings reading odd books, like The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle or catching up on my favorite shows while eating dinner, decluttering my mind after long days of work, alone.
I understand the import of company, and some other days, I wish there was someone to get home to, to talk to about my day, to cook dinner together and sleep with them in the same bed, finding comfort in the company of each other. Naturally, the first sound that escapes my mouth is a literal scream or a deep growl, then I stuff my head in the pillow, and I feel tired, like I should just continue to sleep. Whoever told us in school that we should wake up early to avoid struggling through adulthood lied, because adulting is so hard.
The weight of responsibility is so heavy — any adult will tell you that. I am not sure whether I am bored, because I do feel like I am on the precipice of something. On weekends, I find myself sleeping, watching reality shows on Netflix, unintentionally cancelling plans and annoying some of my friends, then cleaning up, eating, cooking, then eating, if I have energy, working out then sleeping again.
But I also think, this phase, will pass. Just like things do, they pass. There will come a time when I will be ridiculously busy, with a husband, with children, with a career and all sorts of obligations. I know I will get a better job and I will meet fantastic people, but for now, I can stew in my own boredom, and just be. I just feel like a turbulent storm has settled — from last year, and my mind is quiet.
