Dear Eric: My husband and I have two daughters, both in their 40s. The younger one has a career, is married and pays her own bills. The other has never been functional and ebbs and flows in and out of stability.
She has a volatile and intense personality. We do our best to support them as we can, which usually means having them over for dinner, helping to keep their cars running, generous gifts on their birthdays and holidays, but several times a year this daughter will come at us aggressively about some perceived slight.
We are currently on a communication break because she showed up unannounced at our house screaming at the most recent imagined slight.
How do we maintain a relationship with her without feeling like we are just beating our heads against the wall? Continuing to hold a very clear, strict boundary about communication will help everyone involved.
But processing those feelings is her work to do. An equal part of this healthy boundary is recognizing the places where you and your husband are trying to fix things that are beyond your control and releasing them.
