However, more therapists such as myself and other folks in the BDSM community have been making connections between somatic and relational healing, and kink. Experiencing a safe, predictable container. Much like the therapy office, having the same day and time for an appointment, and discussing goals and treatment modalities with a therapist, kink can provide a similar safety container, if done in a safe place and with safe people.
There is a scene, which is the time and space in which play happens, and before then planning between partners about what is ok and not ok to happen in that scene. There is predictability, which calms and heals the nervous system.
Completing our stress response cycle. Similar to other physical practices, kink can invite stuck traumatic stress energy that is pent up to be released. Through movement and expression, we release this energy that is no longer serving us. Here, we get to do this while also connecting to another person, and a larger community. Connecting with our felt sense. Kink done well invites us to connect with our internal sensations.
It asks us to be in touch with how things are feeling for us inside of our bodies, and name them to our partners, whereas other physical or sexual activity can never invite us to drop into embodiment. If we have experienced trauma, harm, or misattunement in the past which I could argue everyone has , then kink can heal this due to the need for extreme attunement. Here, we get the experience of being attuned to.
Here, we get to change our narratives about ourselves in relationship it can be safe to be known, we can choose what happens to our bodies, we can set boundaries. Getting to experience safe attunement. As mentioned above, here our attachment systems can get a new experience of someone being tuned into our emotions and sensations and needs, and having that be safe.
