No cosmos could compete. This struck me. I was revising and rewriting this post about transformations in my dating life here in Portugal as a year-old single American woman of color. I stopped to check my email about an upcoming deadline, and Poets. The Universe was talking. Putting words to the disjointed thoughts colliding inside my head. I am ready for more. More change. More feeling. More vulnerability. More risk. My trip back to the U.
This applies to both familial and romantic relationships. I wanted easy. No entanglement. No risk. No work. I wanted safe, simple fun. I ensured this outcome by dating and having fun with men I knew I could never get attached to.
But I was never going to fall for any of these friends. This is just what they do. I counterbalance the positive of every dating relationship with a caveat. I realized I do that all the time when abundant good fortune surrounds me. Why is that? Given all this juicy self-realization, I made some decisions. I am taking the bold step of declaring these resolutions publicly in this space to hold myself accountable. Resolution 1: My heart and brain are ready to take on more risk now.
I will stop playing it safe and give myself permission to enjoy building a committed relationship. Resolution 2: I deserve every bit of fun, affection, romance, and happiness that come my way. I will stop downplaying my dating joy.
I want you to last. I want meaning between us. Not just desire. There is much to celebrate about this man, my year-old, non-English-speaking Portuguese namorado, but that and the backstory are for another post. It will be part of a Diving Into Dating Abroad series featuring insights from other expat women, and muito funny stories from my first-year dating exploits in Portugal.
