We call you seagulls, but since SUNY Potsdam is not near a sea, you must technically be some other sort of gull. We see you as vermin that eat everything in sight and poop wherever you please. You squawk at students as they walk to class. You squawk at other seagulls to assert dominance. As I write this letter to you, I hear you passionately squawking at humans with food outside of the Barrington Student Union.
To put it bluntly, your behavior is pretty annoying. I know that you will not understand my English, as you only communicate in squawking gull language, but nevertheless, I must profess how disgusting you overweight flying rodents are. You rats with wings are the worst alarm clock ever. You wake me up before I want to get up. On weekdays, you wake me up 30 minutes before my alarm. When I so desperately need sleep, you thieves deprive me.
I am forced to shuffle around campus all day like a zombie. Even worse than the noise you make is the fact that you use unsuspecting students for target practice. Why must you use students as your own personal restroom? We are not toilets. I repeat, we are not toilets. Once, I received a Snapchat depicting the aftermath of one of your many daily assaults.
Poop was splattered all over the jacket of a student. Poop⦠everywhere⦠So. Also revolting, is the fact that you spend all day hovering over garbage cans. You actually eat garbage. Your dumpster diving escapades go so far that you even put items in your mouth that are not supposed to go anywhere near a mouth of any species. Your violence is another one of your traits that we humans are disturbed by.
Once, I witnessed one of your species fighting a squirrel. Yes, fighting a squirrel. Why must you physically attack other species? You use humans as bathrooms and squirrels as brawling partners. These issues really need to be resolved. I can see absolutely no upside to your existence.
