Posted February 9, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. You, on the other hand, are being left out. Sing karaoke! Buy yourself a new purse! These chipper suggestions are accompanied by pictures of extremely happy singles: great-looking somethings laughing and raising giant glasses of wine, women dancing alone in their apartments or blissfully soaking in candlelit bathtubs.
I spent many years writing magazine articles that aimed to help women feel better about their livesโI interviewed hundreds of psychologists, and read countless self-help books. So I often road-tested the advice I gathered.
I opened a nice bottle of wine, flipped on the classical music station, lit a candleโthe whole blissfully single nine yards. During my years of involuntary singlehood , I gradually learned that the most empowering action I could take was to let those unfashionable emotions in. When I stopped being embarrassed by my sadness, the actual experience of it was quite manageable.
The fear of the feeling was worse than the feeling itself. Underneath all that pep is an underlying panic: Distract yourself! Distract yourself! The truth is too painful! Not only are you unable to find a partner, but you also suck at being single. What if you simply acknowledged that being alone on February 14 can be difficult? It has been said many times before, but it bears repeating: We all have our stuff. They will pass whether you spend the evening at the greatest party in the world or cleaning the bathroom.
They are temporary neurological sensations. In the Buddhist tradition I study, this is called being a warrior. That might sound weird, but in a culture where so much is designed to distract you from your life, actually being in it turns out to be sort of ballsy.
