Marriages are often shaken to the core when one spouse becomes sick or disabled and the other takes on new responsibilities. Compared to adult children who care for their parents, spouses perform more tasks and assume greater physical and financial burdens when they become caregivers, an analysis of studies shows. Symptoms of depression, as well as strains on relationships, are more common.
Communication often becomes problematic, as husbands and wives feel disoriented and uncertain about how to respond to each other. Both women were cared for by their husbands Kivowitz suffered from chronic pain; Weisman had a stroke. Complicating these issues is isolation. More than half the time, older spouses are giving care alone as husbands or wives come to the end of their lives, without help from their children, other family members, friends or paid home-health aides, according to research published earlier this year.
The risk is that marriages will be undermined by illness, and essential emotional connections will be lost. She had multiple sclerosis for 50 years before she passed away last year. Or spouses can become distant as they struggle with feelings of loss, fear, and, frequently, misunderstanding and anger.
It took five years for Vincent to get a diagnosis. It was devastating. It took me a long time to realize his brain was impaired. How can older couples navigate these challenges and protect their relationships β an essential source of comfort and support β when illness strikes?
Several experts offered suggestions:. Reset expectations. Couples need to face what is being lost as a result of illness and, at the same time, focus on what remains intact.
