Posted April 25, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. He claimed he was, but he still never seemed to make a move. Jenny was, understandably, confused and frustrated. I see this problem fairly often in my practice and on my podcast. About 20 percent of the couples I counsel are in situations like Jenny and her husband. Sometimes a man does lose attraction for his partner and no longer want to have sex with her β this is true.
Loss of attraction can also be a psychological defense. If a man is feeling suffocated in the relationship, he may experience a loss of attraction as a way to create some space and avoid the closeness that sex brings. Narcissism can also be a factor β it may cause a man to feel deeply disappointed in the normal and inevitable physical changes in his partner, which are threatening his own sense of mortality. Many men believe their status as a lover is determined by their ability to get, and maintain, a firm erection.
Regardless of whether he feels desire, if a man has problems getting or keeping an erection, or if he has trouble lasting a fair time during intercourse, he may hesitate to initiate.
Unfortunately, women can misinterpret these problems as attraction problems and become critical or reactive, which just complicates the dynamic further. Whether to escape the vulnerability of being the initiator or simply to take a break from depending on another to meet their sexual needs, some men prefer masturbating over partnered sex.
And it spares them the sexual negotiation with a partner that can feel exhausting. Even when their partner wants sex more than they do, a man might withhold sex out of an unconscious need for the autonomy of sexual aloneness. With a body full of testosterone, they are sexual kindling to the sexual stimuli all around, and it can be discouraging when they have a female partner who cannot fathom what it feels like to ignite instantaneously.
