Posted November 1, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. I mean, before I got married, we used to worry about getting pregnant or getting an STD. I want to date and to have sex if I want to without feeling like it means I have to get into a committed relationship. These questions are coming up regularly in therapy sessions, and not just for singles, but for parents of adolescents who want to be out socializing with friends and flirting with potential first loves.
Interestingly, the questions singles have to ask are good ones for parents to be teaching their teens to ask as well—not only now, during the pandemic, but going forward into the dating world after the pandemic is over. How do you let your potential dating partner know what you are comfortable with? And how do you cope with differences between what you think might be safe and what your date thinks? I spoke with NYC psychotherapist Alessandra Mikic, LMSW, who runs a single women's support group for women between that focuses on building community, connection, and collective care as they attempt to date during the pandemic.
Mental health professionals know that relationships and intimacy are a crucial part of our mental and emotional health. On a YouTube podcast Dr. Sue Johnson, a British clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and author known for her work on adult romantic relationships , noted that many of us are feeling more vulnerable and more aware of how much we need other people during the pandemic. Even some of my clients who define themselves as introverts and who have enjoyed being able to stay home without pressure to socialize are expressing a desire to make some kind of relationship-related contact.
Start talking about what you need to feel safe from the very beginning. Ask questions about who the other person is in contact with and how they protect themselves and others and share the same information yourself. In some ways, the pandemic has made it easier to do the very thing that relationship therapists encourage in couples: communicate from the beginning. Because of this push to move quickly, Mikic encourages clients to get clarity about safety and well-being right away.
And if something doesn't feel right or safe, trust that intuition and act on it. Unfortunately, as the small things that you never talked about accumulate over time, they can create big ruptures in the connection. We were just both so eager to please each other that we left ourselves out of a lot of things. Communicating about the difficult things from the beginning of a relationship can make it easier to talk about the small, seemingly insignificant things that make up the bedrock of any relationship as you go forward.
