Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. We may earn a commission through links on our site. Why Trust Us? I'm Zachary Zane , a sex writer, author, and ethical Boyslut a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it.
Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom and a bunch of other places, TBH. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner" because you know that already.
Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Dear Sexplain It,. To start, I am a large, affectionately fat, bi, Black man, and I've never really had a consistent group of queer friends.
I grew up in Texas and was very selective about how "out" I was. Even when I moved to a more comfortable place, the ways I made friends didn't really provide much exposure or access to the queer community. Because of this, the vaaaaaast majority of my friends are cisgender heterosexuals.
Now, with the background out of the way, here is my problem: I don't know how to approach or date gay men. When I do find myself in groups, I feel like a fraud. I don't know popular gay culture or slang, I don't know what to talk about as all of the topics I bring up tend to be niche and do more to end discussion rather than invite it, and I have a hard time going to clubs and bars as loud, crowded spaces only make me more self-conscious than I already am.
