When relationships end, people often do much self-reflection. That reflection can look like, "what could we have done better? And then, there are the other thoughts. The self-doubting, self-deprecating thoughts show up before the relationship starts, during, and after the relationship ends. The thoughts that say, "she was too good for me, I'm glad she's gone," "he would have found someone prettier and smarter eventually, it's good he left before I got too attached," or my personal favorite, "it wouldn't have lasted long anyway, I am better off alone.
Not thinking about it all this time, you pushed this person away because you did not believe you deserved the love, they gave you. It is called self-confidence for a reason; it is how you esthetically feel about yourself. However, sometimes the way we feel about ourselves comes from messages from outside sources, whether it be media, friends, strangers, or family.
These sources can be a traumatic framework for intrusive thoughts and loss of self-love. Self-sabotage occurs when we intentionally harm our health and well-being by undermining personal ideals and aspirations or when we harm ourselves physically, intellectually, or emotionally.
It originates from "bad thoughts" and is "insidious, profound, and universal". I always work with my clients to look within to check to see what it is that is causing the intrusive thoughts, these thoughts that are baseless and cause them to sabotage the love that is being presented to them.
Inner thoughts that speak so loudly to their heart and minds say, "I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, but she's going to find somebody with more money. The more money he will find a prettier girl. Chronic self-sabotage saps our motivation and drive, leaving us depressed, worried, and low self-esteem. It simply refers to consistently acting in a way that is inconsistent with your own ideals or aspirations.
