Until five years ago, Deltra James led a very different life. She was 33, married, and happily homeschooling her five daughters in their three-bedroom home in Waterbury, Conn. But within a year of her Stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis, her marriage crumbled, which meant she had to return to the workforce and move into the spare room of her mother's house with all of her kids. There was much to grieve. But on the backside of that horrible year, she also felt empowered, liberated, and eager to make the most of her life.
She yearned for escape, pleasure and connection through dating — but also worried, as many cancer patients do, whether sex after surgery and chemotherapy might hurt. James's oncologist seemed embarrassed and dodged her questions, which left her feeling both frivolous and ignored. Because I don't want to just be existing. As cancer survivorship grows, so do the number of people living with sexual side effects of treatment — from joint pain to erectile dysfunction to early menopause.
After treatment, patients are often left to navigate lives fundamentally reshaped by the disease, without advice from doctors about things like counseling, vaginal moisturizers or therapeutic sexual devices that might help. Medicine has made giant leaps in recent years, helping many more people outlive cancer, even as incidence of the disease spikes.
With that, the population of survivors is also growing rapidly. Around , only 1. Today, there are over 18 million survivors who make up 5. Cancer rates are also spiking among younger people in their dating and sexual prime.
Anderson says many also crave advice about related matters, like: "When do I disclose I'm a cancer survivor? When do I share my body? When do I share my scars? Patients frequently internalize the grief about their altered bodies, or the new vulnerabilities in their relationships. Men, especially, are often reluctant to talk about erectile dysfunction that can result from treatment, says Lorraine Drapek , a nurse practitioner at the Massachusetts General Cancer Center Sexual Health Clinic.
