He is not gay. Even though he lives as a straight man, we've constructed a functional relationship where we just have good sex, no strings attached. Everything was just fine until he recently told me he's moving and that "this" was gonna become too complicated. I felt heartbroken. This consistent thing in my life is coming to an end. Back then, I didn't have the urge to meet new people, but now I feel pressure to "go back" to the gay world, to be liked by other men and fulfill their expectations: be hot, be hung, be slim, be masculine, be funny.
How do I continue without these thoughts messing with my mind? I don't wanna hurt myself in order to find company. Do I even need company? I have my misgivings about the straightness of your friend. For starters, I think you need to do away with the idea that having expectations is a uniquely gay experience. You can find that kind of gig in the gay world pretty easily. I would also like to know if this guy met any of your expectations. Did you like the way he looked?
Did you find him funny? Did his personality enchant you? But I agree to some extent that it sure can feel like gay men are especially demanding when it comes to dating. People are complicated and usually hard to read. Two: Manage your expectations. Everyone has their list of ideal characteristics for their dream guy. He has to be a certain height, have certain physical features, has to like certain memes β it goes on and on.
Three: It only has to work out once. Don't let it destroy your self-esteem, because dating is not a referendum on your worth as a human being. It is merely a search β a deeply frustrating search that sometimes yields worthwhile experiences. Be OK with that, and when you find something good, enjoy it! In fact, I recommend taking some time for yourself after the end of any relationship β even one you consider to be primarily physical. Now is a good opportunity to reflect and think about what you want before putting yourself out there.
Practice being confident in yourself before downloading the apps or asking people on dates. I wish you all the best out there, Saddle! And if a boy breaks your heart or something, you can always write in to me again.
