But despite his great English and being interesting and attractive, his question immediately made me both self-conscious and irritated at what I knew was coming next. It's an inevitable part of the first-date scenario I've come to hate while dating in Spain. Unlike in bigger cities such as Madrid or Barcelona, most of my local dating pool speaks only Spanish or Catalan, so I'm always grateful when I find someone who speaks English.
Navigating the apps with my level of Spanish is easy, and I can even manage whole dates. But it's not just the language barrier that's the challenge. Plus, it's kind of true. I really don't have much to say in Spanish because I'm not yet ever? Whether he meant my accent or the grammar error I'd made, I didn't know.
But it wasn't the first time I'd been mocked for speaking Spanish in a supposedly romantic context. I still remember the belittling way a Mexican boyfriend laughed at how I pronounced the restaurant name " Montaditos" in All this has very much shaped my attitude toward the language and how I feel speaking it.
It's not just unpleasant memories that are to blame for my unwillingness to date in Spanish. There's also research that suggests personalities can change when you're speaking another language. Multilinguals often use different languages for distinct purposes, and those purposes will influence your emotional states. So, as much of my experience in Spain involves frustration with my own language limits, it's shaped how I feel when speaking the language.
The result of this is what some refer to as "nodding-dog syndrome. Debating something complex in Spanish is beyond my language level, but I also know I'll sound rude if I disagree using the blunt language tools I do have. Added to that is the naivete that comes with dating outside your own cultural context. I can't tell whether that guy who said "joder" in front of an year-old priest is crass and disrespectful.
