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We all know that dating is hard. But sometimes, we unknowingly make it harder than it has to be. One way we do that is by having unrealistic expectations. People often have idealistic, romanticized expectations of dating, that differ drastically from reality. When they start dating and have difficult experiences, they feel disappointed and worry that something is wrong.
This makes dating harder and more painful than it need be. When you have realistic expectations for dating, you eliminate disappointment and inner turmoil, making it much easier to continue. Dating is a marathon, not a sprint.
You leave the gym feeling terrible about yourself. Now imagine the same scenario, except you expect that five miles is going to be difficult. You get started. You pace yourself; you walk when you need to.
That day, you do only two miles. You now have a baseline for where you are, and you leave the gym ready to try again next time to see if you can get a little further. The difference here is your expectations. In the first scenario, you had unrealistic expectations, making you feel terrible about yourself.
In the second scenario, you had realistic expectations or no expectations. It was hard, but you expected it to be. You left with more information about yourself and plans for the next time you try. The same thing happens in dating when we have unrealistic expectations versus realistic expectations. Having realistic expectations takes the self-blame and shame out of the journey. But to have realistic expectations, you need to know the realities of dating.